It is ongoing. I do struggle with that a lot, and I catch myself feeling like I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to exist.
And I’ll catch myself thinking or plotting ways how to end it. And I’ll catch myself in a thought, and then I’ll just start bawling just by thinking it, you know? Because it’s painful.
There’s a part of me that really wants to live, and there’s a part of me that really wants to die.
When it comes to anxiety, I feel like I have an underlying anxiety all day, every day.
In my opinion, I’ve learned how to kind of just live with it, how to cope with it, how to not let it necessarily keep me that pent up, but it still does.
Hi, this is Patrick Rodriguez. And you’re listening to the Patrick Rodriguez Show.
This is the place to learn how to release your past, so that you can experience the fulfillment of your life by living in the present moment.
Today we’ll be listening to an actual client session. This was the first of four sessions to help this young woman that was struggling with feelings of depression in her life.
I want to point out at the start here that I am not a licensed therapist and I don’t try to address any diagnosed mental health condition. Rather, I am an energy healer. I address the underlying energy of unwanted behaviors and situations that people find themselves in, in order to release that energy.
As we’ll see here, releasing the energy can have a profound effect on the person’s life outlook and their ability to experience the present moment in their life, without their past holding them emotionally in place.
Please note that the following recording is from an actual client session and is being replayed here with permission. This recording deals with some adult themes and may not be suitable for younger listeners. This may also trigger some listeners.
Now let’s listen in to see how healing the underlying emotional energy has a very pragmatic outcome on feelings of depression.
Patrick: Right now, I’m guessing depression is what has you by the throat.
Client: Yeah, definitely.
Patrick: Okay, good, I’m feeling a struggle with depression, almost like you’re fighting depression.
I’m checking in with the energy of anxiety. That’s interesting, I’m not getting a strong read.
Now, before we get too far into this, I want to share what I’m doing with you. This is not traditional therapy where we’re going to talk and come to an understanding and help you overcome the things that have been in your past. I don’t do that. What I do do is help you to release the underlying energy that you’re holding.
The way that we do that is for all of us, you, me, and everyone that you’ll meet on the street, is we all have things that have happened to us and we all attach meaning to the things that have happened to us.
And sometimes it’s some pretty messed up stuff, it’s some pretty scary places to go. And as a result, rather than go into those scary places, we’ve learned how to escape the scary stuff.
Because back when it was happening, it was too much, it was too much.
And very often it started when we were kids and we have no defenses.
And so what I’m going to do over the next several weeks is I’m going to go with you into some of those dark, scary places, not for the purpose of reliving it, but rather to release the energy that has a hold and a grip on you.
Does that make sense?
Client: Yes, that makes perfect sense.
Patrick: Cool, cool, cool, cool.
So as I was just about to say, the energy of anxiety, I’m not really getting a strong feeling of that from you, which is interesting because you say that’s one of the prominent things that you experience on a day-to-day basis.
I’m kind of wondering, depression, give me a second, yeah, that’s the one that’s just there.
It’s almost like you’re inside of a dark cloud and that cloud moves with you. It’s like the dark cloud surrounds you, but it’s also inside of you.
Does that resonate as being accurate?
Client: It’s very accurate.
Patrick: Cool, cool, cool, cool.
Now, the anxiety, I’m guessing, if we were to take that to the next logical step, is I can’t get out of this cloud, and then it kind of freaks you out that I can’t get out of this cloud, and you’re freaked out about being in the cloud.
Client: That’s very accurate.
Patrick: Cool, cool, cool, cool.
Now, this is positive. The reason it’s positive is because a lot of people suffer from anxiety as a thing. I don’t get that you suffer from anxiety as a thing in and of itself.
Does that make sense?
Client: No, it does. That’s kind of what I wanted to explain is that it’s not like I was trying to. I can’t put in words in that exact manner.
I feel an underlying form of anxiety, but the way that I feel it is kind of like it’s a hopelessness that’s kind of attached to that anxiety of like, I don’t think I can do that.
It makes me scared that I feel like I can’t reach certain places. And that’s where that anxiety and those phobias kick in really heavy.
Patrick: All right, so depression, I want to make sure I get this down, depression. And this is your experience of depression because we all have different flavors, right? It’s like what hangups I have, you’re not going to have.
They’re going to be different than the next guy and the next guy. Even when we label something depression, what you are experiencing is not the same thing as what the next guy is experiencing.
Does that make sense?
Client: Yeah, no, it does. I feel like in an odd sense, it’s all kind of a mix of perception and your own reality and what gets you down.
Of course, my problems aren’t going to amount to yours and yours aren’t going to amount to mine. We’re all different. There’s no comparison with people.
Patrick: So the depression experience is a dark cloud that I carry with me. It exists within me and around me. It moves with me.
Is that about right?
Client: Yeah, that’s accurate.
Patrick: Cool. Now, that’s pretty optimistic, I’ll tell you why in a sec. The reason I think it’s optimistic is because I’m wondering if this is a defense mechanism.
One of the things that you said a second ago is that you check out.
It’s real easy for you to check out. Especially when it happens during sexual encounters, it’s almost like you’re not there anymore.
Client: Yeah.
Patrick: Now, let’s make a hypothesis here. Let’s say it’s safer to be hidden in the cloud so you’re not having to suffer through the reality that’s happening in the physical world.
Client: That’s very accurate.
Patrick: Let it sink in. Let it sink in. Stay with it. Stay with it.
It’s safer to stay hidden in the cloud so you’re not having to suffer what’s happening in the physical reality.
Breathe. Breathe.
Stay with it. Stay with it. Stay with it. Stay with it.
Stay in your body. Stay in your body.
Okay, the feeling I’m getting from you right now is you’re feeling very, very vulnerable. Tell me if that resonates.
Client: Oh, it does.
Patrick: Good, good, good, good.
Yeah, it’s almost like all of a sudden you found yourself in a room in a party naked. It’s almost that level of feeling vulnerable.
Does that resonate or am I exaggerating too much?
Client: No, it’s about that. It’s around that ballpark, definitely.
Patrick: Good, good, good, good.
Stay with it. Stay with it. Stay with it.
Give yourself permission to feel scared.
Yeah. Because as long as this was hidden from your consciousness, you could escape and retreat into this cloud.
It’s now that you know that this cloud is your protection. It’s almost like, oh shit, now what?
Client: Yeah.
Patrick: This thing that you, yeah, here’s what’s going on is what I’m feeling from you is this thing that you’ve been trying to get away from, to get out of, to struggle against.
It’s all of a sudden you’re like, “Oh my God, this really is my protection.”
Tell me if that resonates.
Client: It does. It’s very accurate.
Patrick: Good, good, good, good.
You’re doing great. Stay with it. You’re doing good. Breathe.
Okay, I want you to give yourself permission to feel safe enough to feel scared. Give yourself permission to feel safe enough to feel scared.
Client: Do I have to do it verbally or can I do it mentally?
Patrick: Mentally is good. Feeling is the real important thing here.
Client: I feel like I have trouble with my emotions. Like I numbed out.
Patrick: Yeah. It’s easier to go numb than to feel anything. And that’s okay. That’s okay.
So what we’re going to do is give you permission to go numb.
And there’s a part of you thinking, “I don’t need permission for that. I got that one covered. Can’t tell me I can go numb.”
Good. So give you permission to go numb. More.
I want you to seriously give you permission to go numb. It’s almost like I’m asking you to go numb consciously. It’s not something you normally do.
Normally it just kind of happens and it happens faster than you’re consciously aware of. Normally it happens so fast you don’t even know what happened. You just find yourself somewhere else, sometime else.
Like I’m not surprised if you lose time. Does that happen?
Client: Often.
Patrick: Yeah. So give you permission to go numb now. Good. Okay.
I’m going to ask you to come out and look around. Come out of feeling numb for just a second and then go back in.
Now what I’m getting a sense of is almost like when you go in, it’s like when you go to the dentist and you get Novocaine in your mouth and you have that kind of toothpaste-y sensation in your mouth where it’s like your tongue sticks in your mouth.
Does that resonate?
Client: Yeah. Very accurate.
Patrick: Okay. Good, good, good. Come out again. Look around the room.
Kind of just feel your fingertips if you would. Good, good, good, good.
And then go back into being numb again. All right. It’s safe to be numb. Give yourself permission to feel safe to be numb.
Again, this is one of your biggest fears is going numb and losing time. It’s one of the things that gets you anxious.
And then give yourself permission to come out. Tell me if you can feel the difference.
Client: I can’t.
Patrick: Okay. What I’m asking you to do is I want you to consciously feel safe to be numb. So in other words, I’m not asking you to allow yourself to fall backwards. It’s I’m asking you to step into being numb.
Do you get the difference?
Client: I’m understanding.
Patrick: Yeah, you’re not quite here. You’re kind of halfway numb, halfway not. Does that make sense?
Client: Yeah. I definitely can. I understand that completely.
Patrick: Okay. I’m going to ask you to give you permission to go full numb, but step into being numb. And go.
Allow yourself to be numb and hear my voice at the same time.
And then give yourself permission to step out.
And when you step out, your eyes should be a little bit more clear.
You should be seeing a little bit more clear.
Tell me if that resonates.
Client: It does. It’s not as clouded.
Patrick: Okay, give me a second. Let me still feel. What I’m doing now is, I’m feeling your energy. Is your energy afraid to go numb?
It’s still afraid to go numb, so we’re going to do this a few more times.
Does that resonate for you? Like you’re still afraid. It’s like you’re afraid to lose time.
Client: It’s something like my body, yeah.
Patrick: And what’s going on, just so you’ll know, is this is your autopilot. When you get scared, this is what you would do. And what I imagine you’ve been doing since you were a child is when you would get scared.
It’s like, “I just check out. Now nothing can hurt me.” Does that make sense?
Client: That’s accurate. Yeah, that does.
Patrick: So we want to embrace this. This has been your protection.
We do not want to label it as bad. We don’t want to push it down or push it away. We want to embrace it.
“Hey, this has been my protector for as long as I can remember. I’m not about to let go of this old friend.”
Yeah, totally different sensation. You feel that?
Client: Yeah.
Patrick: I’m getting a sense like it’s almost like you’re walking with it. I’m not afraid it’s going to come out and jump on you.
Client: I feel more welcome, like it’s a welcome. It’s okay to feel that way.
Patrick: Yeah, it’s been your protector. You needed this when there was no other defense.
Good, good, good, good. Okay, I’m feeling your breathing is getting a little bit easier. Does that resonate?
Client: Yes, it does.
Patrick: Good. Okay, we’re going to do it again. I want you to step into feeling them. Again, not fall backwards into it, but step into it and go. Notice the control you have on that one. Did you notice that?
Client: I felt like my body isn’t resisting as much. I don’t feel this underlying sense of anxiety.
Patrick: Beautiful. Beautiful. Okay, stay within the numbness. Give yourself permission to stay within the numbness. Notice how much clarity you can have inside the numbness.
It’s almost like you were so freaked out before when you would come out of the numbness that you were afraid to go into it, and you weren’t able to have this clarity. Good.
Client: Yes, that’s where I was in.
Patrick: And when you’re ready, I want you to gently step out of the numbness. Open up your eyes, look around the room.
Client: Things are a lot more… I usually see things fuzzy, and I’m not seeing that at the moment.
Patrick: I’m getting a sense that it’s like it’s safe to come out when it’s safe to go in. Does that make sense?
Client: Kind of.
Patrick: So in other words, if this is or was your protection mechanism, it’s like, you know, when you’re a kid, you had no control. It’s like things would happen. Well, this thing would just be there and ready, boom, it snapped, protecting you. And then slowly you had to come out.
And it was freaky when you came out because you knew you were somewhere else. And it wasn’t even safe to come out.
Does that make sense?
Client: Yeah, that does.
Patrick: Now you’re going in and you’re walking out, both in safety. Are you with me on that one?
Client: Yes.
Patrick: Cool. Give me a second. Just feeling your energy again.
Okay, we’re going to try it one more time. I want you to get as conscious as you can with this process. Ready?
One, two, three, numb.
And again, feeling that sensation, it’s almost like it just washes over you.
But notice the clarity you have within it. It’s almost like being in a cocoon is what I’m feeling. And when you’re a little girl, you needed this and that’s okay.
And we’re not completely abandoning it. We just want to understand it right now. Let’s give yourself a chance to be in it.
Almost like you’re looking around while you’re inside. Great, you’re doing great.
And when you’re ready, gently, it’s almost like taking a gentle step out. Now what it feels like to me is that you were able to come out much quicker and have consciousness much quicker that time.
Does that resonate?
Client: Yes, it does.
Patrick: Good. Okay, just tell me what you’ve experienced, if you would, please.
Client: I feel like I ended up being really relaxed. Like there is a wave that just kind of came and had to come. And even when I kept my eyes closed, yeah, I feel like I do look around or something is just kind of going on and maybe some thoughts would come in.
I would just kind of leave my thoughts there. I wouldn’t dwell in them in the moment when you said, you know, you feel comfortable. I was going to give myself a moment, you know, to slowly but surely come out, but within I couldn’t even control it.
It’s just kind of like I got out. You know, I just kind of within that second, I want to say just kind of with the ease, I didn’t even try, honestly. I just kind of came out.
Patrick: And tell me what that feels like now. Like how do you look at checking out, zoning out?
Client: I don’t, I mean, I don’t view it as negative, but I definitely understand why. It makes a lot more sense, but I think the reasoning behind it, it just all kind of connects and I feel more safe with that instead of feeling more scared.
Patrick: Pretty cool, huh?
Client: Yeah, I mean, definitely. It’s a great understanding of it.
Patrick: Very, very cool. Yeah, because we’re not going for an intellectual understanding. It’s not like we’re trying to talk it out and logically come to a conclusion. The energy is what’s really happening.
It’s like you’ve just released a ton of fear. What you released right now was you released the fear of being afraid of your own protection.
Whoa, that’s pretty profound. Do you feel that?
Client: Yeah, definitely.
Patrick: Pretty cool, pretty cool. Okay, just breathe for a minute.
I’m just going to feel your energy. Cool.
Now, I imagine that there have been times, and probably not infrequently, like I would imagine at least one, two, several times a week and sometimes you would actually lose up to a half a day.
Is that about right?
Client: Oh yeah, definitely.
Patrick: And how about prior to today, how did it feel knowing that could happen at any time?
Client: Terrifying. And there’s a lot of hopelessness that is involved with that.
Patrick: Good, good, good. Terrifying hopelessness.
Now, I’m going to ask you to just examine it now, that that may happen next week. That it is possible that you could lose time. Interesting.
The first feeling that I got is, “No, I don’t think so.”
Tell me if that resonates.
Client: That’s funny. That’s accurate. That is accurate.
Patrick: How cool is that? Wow. Yeah, because now you know what it feels like when you go into it, that you can gently come out of it. Wow.
That’s pretty amazing, pretty amazing. And tell me how that feels.
Client: It feels great. Actually, the sense of hopelessness is that I feel more optimistic.
Patrick: Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m feeling coming from you. Way cool. Okay, give me a second. This is going to feel your energy some more.
Okay, I still feel this dark cloud with you and in you. The feeling that comes out for me is, “Don’t hurt me.”
Can you tell me if that resonates?
Client: Yeah, it does.
Patrick: Can I ask you to say that out loud, please?
Client: Don’t hurt me. I don’t want to be hurt. It’s scary.
Patrick: Okay, let’s try on, “Please don’t hurt me,” almost like a begging.
And feel free to change the wording because I want to get the energy.
Client: Please don’t hurt me.
Patrick: There we go. That one was, that was very close, not completely there yet. Do you feel that?
Client: Yeah.
Patrick: One more time. Feel free to switch it up. It’s something like that.
Client: Please don’t harm me. I feel like something in my head telling me, please don’t get me, something like that. I want something, something like I don’t want to be caught.
Patrick: Good, good, good, good, good. How perfect that you’re hiding in a dark cloud. It’s almost like a dark forest. And that’s where you’re safe.
Are you with me?
Client: Yes, I am.
Patrick: How perfect is that? Does that make sense to you?
Client: I’ve had dreams in that kind of environment frequently.
Patrick: Yeah. How perfect is it, hiding in this darkness so that you’re not found, you’re not caught. Let’s do it again.
Client: Yeah, please don’t, please don’t get me. Please don’t catch me.
Patrick: There we go. “Please don’t catch me.” I like that one, that one’s feeling, yeah, that one really sinks in at the stomach level. It’s like, as soon as I said it, it was just like, almost like the stabbing pain in the stomach area.
Does that resonate for you?
Client: At times, I feel like I’ve kind of gotten accustomed to that pain, to the point where I don’t feel pain. But this whole session, I keep feeling a tatter like that. Kicking.
Patrick: Yeah. So let’s let her kick, let’s give her permission to allow her to kick, because she doesn’t want to be caught, she doesn’t want to be found.
Good, good, good, good. She doesn’t want to be found. Please don’t catch me. Please don’t catch me. Because I’m wondering if she was found, if she was stabbed.
Good, good, good, good. Now we’re going to play a little game of make believe. You with me?
Client: Yes, I am.
Patrick: We’re going to pretend that there was some girl at some point in time, when she found herself in a very dangerous position, and she was hiding from someone, and she ran into the forest, and she couldn’t stay still enough.
She was found, and she was stabbed repeatedly in the stomach, and she died. And she didn’t even know she was dead. Good, good, good, good.
Allow it to come up, give her permission to come up, allow it to come up, allow it to come up, allow it to come up.
She died, but she didn’t know she was dead, and her fears became your fears, and your fears became her fears. And together your fears are doubled or even tripled, because she went through a lot of the same stuff that you went through.
And there’s a part of her that wants to take care of you and protect you, but she can’t, she’s too scared, and all she ends up doing is just making you even more scared. Allow it to come up.
So we’re going to let her know she’s safe. That’s right, allow it to come up.
Allow it to come up. You’re doing good, allow it to come up. Allow it to come up. Tell me how that feels now.
Client: It feels more at peace.
Patrick: A little louder please.
Client: It feels more at peace.
Patrick: Yeah.
Client: I feel like I’m more at rest.
Patrick: Say that last sentence again a little louder.
Client: I feel more at rest, like it’s easier to breathe.
Patrick: That’s right. Wow, how cool is that?
Client: I feel like in that moment, it took me back to a place that I’ve had a dream of a little girl, and she would cry to me, and we were in, yeah, kind of like a forest, a park area, and there was one part of the forest that she said, don’t go over there. There’s a guy, there’s a man there, and please don’t go over there. And something kept drawing me to where she told me not to go, and I kept going there. I went there.
And when I went there, I felt like I was being chased, and I was trying to run, but I couldn’t run, and I remember there was that girl that was just looking for me to cry, and it just reminded me, it took me back to that place, that dream, that same dream, the same place.
Patrick: Now, you tell me, I feel now you have detached yourself from that dream. Tell me if that feels accurate.
Client: It does.
Patrick: Almost like you’re no longer linked to that experience anymore.
Client: No.
Patrick: Cool. Just breathe. Beautiful. I’m feeling more air entering into your lungs, it seems like. Does that resonate for you?
Client: Yes, it does.
Patrick: Beautiful. Okay, we were talking previously about carrying this dark cloud with you. How the dark cloud would hide you, and it was perfect, because that’s what you needed. Let’s see if that still resonates.
I want you to imagine it’s tomorrow, and you’re outside walking in the park. Just notice what you notice.
Okay, I’ll tell you, the first thing that comes up for me is it’s not like overnight success, everything’s wonderful in peaches and roses, but I don’t get that heaviness. I don’t get that dark cloud feeling inside and outside following you everywhere you go.
Not a real heavy, heavy, heaviness. Not that it’s completely dissipated, but not the same.
Does that feel correct to you?
Client: Yes, that’s very correct.
Patrick: Good, good, good, good, good. I think that’s a very good stopping point. What do you think?
Client: I think that’s perfect. Yes, please!
Patrick: That’s funny.
Client: Oh my gosh. Wow!
Patrick: I’m going to read this statement again. So, in the beginning, we set a new goal. A sense of peace with myself, that’s a key aspect. A sense of peace with myself. To be able to sit or lie down in a dark room by myself and be comfortable for an hour.
Zero being, “no way, absolutely not.”
Ten, “oh yeah, that’s completely me. I do it all the time.”
Tell me how it feels right now in this moment. Not later, not yesterday, but right now in this moment. Zero to ten. What’s the number that comes up for you?
Client: I’d say a six.
Patrick: Yeah, that feels about right. And that is a pretty significant leap from a two.
Client: Yeah, definitely.
Patrick: Congratulations. That was your first session.
Client: Thank you, Patrick!
So you may be wondering what ever happened to this young woman and her struggle with the feelings of depression.
I would love to say that it disappeared overnight, but that wouldn’t exactly be what happened. But what did happen, is that these sessions made it possible for her to examine her past and the hurts that she had locked away and ignored for so long.
By continuing to emotionally process these old hurts and reminding herself that she was now safe to explore the past events in her life, she was able to start the practice of journaling. In this way she was able to begin to go deeper into the energy of healing of her past, and thus ending the constant feelings of sadness and depression.
She told me that it wasn’t long before she was able to get a job and stay with it long enough to advance in the organization. This was something that she couldn’t even dream about before her healing sessions. Today she’s in a healthy relationship and optimistic about her life.
In summary, the sessions were a springboard that allowed her to fully dive into the acceptance of her past and allow her to start living the life that she truly deserved.
So now let me ask you.
Are you ready to begin releasing feelings of sadness or even depression that have been limiting your life?
Are you ready to move beyond your past hurts, in order to have a life that you desire?
I believe that there are times when having another person help to guide you can really be a transformative experience. This is the reason that I encourage everyone to reach out for help when it comes to resolving issues that are difficult or seemingly impossible to work through on your own.
And if you’d like to work with me I’m here to help. I offer both one-on-one private sessions as well as group healing sessions.
You can reach out to me through my website, PatrickRodriguez.com and set up a time for us to work together.
Or sign up for my newsletter so you’ll know when new podcasts are released.
This has been Patrick Rodriguez reminding you to, Release Your Past in order Open Your Present
Thanks for listening.