How to Heal with Acceptance:
A Guide to Overcoming Past Hurts and Traumas
You might be wondering, Can I really heal my own past hurts and traumas? I absolutely believe that you can.
Today we’ll be discussing how to heal with acceptance. I know that this topic is often talked about but in today’s show you’ll actually get to hear a sample of me working with someone, and hopefully this will give you insights on how you can also begin healing your own past hurts in your life.
During this recorded sample you’ll be hearing me using this energy of acceptance to help bring the person into a place where she can begin to make real and lasting changes in her life, simply by learning to accept the behaviors that she’s had for most of her life.
Or another way of saying this is, How do we learn to stop fighting with ourselves and get you on your own side?
So let’s jump into this.
Acknowledgment vs. Acceptance
I find that most of the people that I work with are quite willing to acknowledge the behaviors that they don’t like about themselves. But they are not really keen on seeing those behaviors with an energy of Acceptance.
As an example, let’s take someone that’s overweight and wants to lose weight. I’ve found that they are more likely to be quick to acknowledge that they don’t have the self-discipline that it takes to live a fit and healthy lifestyle. But they are much less likely to view the behavior of unhealthy eating and a complacent lifestyle with the energy of Acceptance.
I’ve found that the Acknowledgement of the problem isn’t enough. It’s the Emotional Acceptance of ourselves that’s at the heart of the behavior. And when it’s an unwanted behavior that the person has tried to move past or get rid of in their life, it can create an almost battle within themselves.
When doing energy work we want to be accepting of the part of ourselves that’s reaching for the behavior, not accepting of the behavior itself.
Healing with Acceptance
If you’re a parent reading this, or if you’ve spent any time around young kids, you’ll have a good understanding of what I’m talking about by thinking about a 3 year old child.
If a 3 year old child is behaving in a way that the parent doesn’t like, some parents will scream at the child and tell the child that they are bad and that they are wrong for doing the behavior.
But a different parenting style is to let the child know that what they are doing is not right, and that they are loved but this behavior is not what the parents expect from them.
When doing energy healing we always try to reinforce the thoughts and ideas that the Inner Child is always loved and accepted, regardless of the behavior.
So how do we do that? And more importantly, how do we look at these unwanted behaviors with the compassion needed to make real changes in our life. And that really is at the heart of the discussion of how to heal with acceptance.
When I begin to work with someone on an unwanted behavior, I’m not just listening to what they Don’t Want. But rather I’m listening to how this “part” of the person is trying to stay safe or to somehow emotionally protect them in some way.
It is my very strong belief that when we act in ways that we know are not in alignment with our desires, that we are somehow reacting to some series of experiences from our past. And these are usually rooted from childhood.
Now of course we can’t change the past. But we don’t need to change the past in order to heal. I’ve found that by using the energy of acceptance we can heal the energy of the past.
Case Study in Healing with Acceptance
So let’s listen to an actual session recording of me working with a person on a real issue that she’s had for many years in her life.
But before we start this recording let me first offer a trigger warning here. This process of working with people is designed specifically to help them bring up past hurts and deep-rooted fears. If you have any concerns about listening to this please turn off the recording now. I’ll also invite you to contact me to schedule a time when we can work through these triggers.
And yes, this session was recorded with the permission of the woman having the session and is being replayed with her permission.
Now let’s take a listen and find out, how to heal with acceptance.
Patrick: Let me see if I can paraphrase what I’m hearing from you. If we were to use this example, this metaphor of a Wagon Wheel, you see yourself stuck in the middle of your own life with these spokes. Each of these spokes leads to an area where you know you’d be fulfilled. You know there’s an area, a direction of fulfillment. But every time that you take action, where you move in the direction of fulfillment something happens. Then you find that you end up going back to the center of your life, where it’s Safe.
Patrick: Good. It’s safe to be in the middle. It’s SAFE to be stuck.
Client: Miserable but safe, yes.
Patrick: Yeah, yeah. Good, because it’s safe to be stuck. Can you say that please?
Client: It’s SAFE to be stuck.
Patrick: Good. Now breathe. I imagine that resonates pretty intensely, huh?
Client: Yes. It really does.
Patrick: Good. Let’s do that one more time. Breathe for me.
Patrick: It’s SAFE to be stuck.
Client: It’s safe to be stuck.
Patrick: Oh yeah, it’s like an old friend. Good. “It’s SAFE to be stuck.” Just FEEL that just resonating with you. It’s almost like a warm blanket. Not a CLEAN blanket, but a warm blanket. That’s what it feels like to me when you say it. Does that sound about right?
Client: That sounds very right.
Patrick: It’s not a clean blanket, but it is a warm blanket.
Patrick: It’s SAFE to be stuck. Just let that come over you. Good, good. It’s SAFE to be stuck.
So, CHAOS makes total sense . . . my goodness. Who would want to move away from the center where it’s safe when all this chaos is happening all around. You know?
Client: I do.
Patrick: Who would want to move away from the center when all this chaos is happening? Good, deep breaths. Just allow that to be there. Give that permission to be there.
Who would want to move away from the center when all this chaos is happening all around you? [Pause] yeah, chaos has been your friend. Chaos has been your friend. Can you see that?
Client: Chaos has been my friend.
Patrick: If you have all this chaos going on all around you, that keeps you where you’re safe. Do you see that?
Client: I do. I do see that.
Patrick: Good, good, good. Let’s say that again: Chaos has been my friend.
Client: Chaos has been my friend.
Patrick: Oh, that doesn’t feel good, but it does seem to resonate pretty darn close when you say it. That’s how it feels to me.
Client: It does.
Patrick: It’s okay not to like how it feels. But we do want to ACCEPT it. Do you get the difference?
Client: I do.
Patrick: Good, it’s okay not to like it, but it’s IMPORTANT that we accept it.
Client: Chaos has been my friend.
So how was that? Were you able to find any insights for yourself and in working with your own unwanted behaviors?
In the recorded session you may have noticed that I bring to the woman’s awareness that it is she herself that may be causing the chaos in her life, in order to keep herself safe. Or as she put it, “Stuck in place”.
At the beginning of the session she had used the analogy of a Wagon Wheel. She described how she felt each time that she tried to go down a different path in her life, how she always encountered some chaos that erupted in her life, which then caused her to go back to the middle of the wheel.
I used this analogy of the wagon wheel to take this visual image of her feeling stuck in her life, and transforming it to realizing this was all set up to just to help her to feel safe.
The Importance of Non-Judgement and Compassion
I asked her to repeat the phrase several times, “It’s safe to be stuck.”
And most importantly, I asked her to say it without any judgment.
By saying the phrase out loud in this way, we help to remove the judgment that she has of herself, and replace it with the energy of Compassion for her own Inner Child.
This is what I mean by helping people and encouraging you to, Get on your own side. This is how we are able to show compassion to the Inner child, and how to heal with acceptance.
Reaching Out for Help
So now let me turn this around and ask you,
Have you been searching for a way to change the unwanted behaviors in your life? And are you willing to take this approach to accept the parts of you responsible for these behaviors?
And my final question to you is, are you willing to get you on your own side?
I believe that learning how to heal with acceptance can lead to real and lasting changes in your life.
And if you’d like to work one-on-one with me, I’m here to help. You can reach out to me through my Contact page and set up a time for us to work together or sign up for my newsletter so you’ll know when new podcasts are released.