Embracing Self-Love and Self-Worth

Patrick: Okay. That seems like a really good starting point. I’m going to ask you to say this phrase out loud, please. I don’t like me.

Client: I don’t like me.

Patrick: Good start. Good start. And again, please.

Client: I don’t like me.

Patrick: That’s right. That’s right. You do not. That’s okay.

Now I’m going to ask you to say it, and then we’re going to evaluate how well it fits. And by that, what I mean is imagine that we’re going to the mall. We’re trying on a jacket.

Now I hand you a jacket, and you say, No way. I do not like that jacket. And I say, Yeah, I know, but try it on, because I think it’s going to be a great fit.
And so you put the jacket on, and you’re like, Oh my god, this ugly thing fits perfectly.

Zero to ten. Zero doesn’t fit at all. Ten fits perfectly.

One more time. I don’t like me.

Client: I don’t like me.

Patrick: That’s right. And zero to ten, what number comes to you?

Client: Five.

Patrick: I think you can do better than that. Just allow it to come up.

Client: Ten is that it doesn’t fit at all or ten is it fits perfectly?

Patrick: Ten is it fits perfectly

Client: Well, that will be the first, because I don’t really have any jackets that actually fit perfectly.

Patrick: Cool, cool, cool. So we’re going to give that one a ten then.

Client: Well, yeah, I thought that would be awesome.

Patrick: Okay. I don’t like me. Give that permission to come up. I don’t like me.

Client: I don’t like me.

Patrick: I don’t like me. That’s right. That’s right. Just allow it to be there. Just allow it to be there. So there’s the energy of I don’t like me, but I don’t like that I don’t like me.

Client: Yes.

Patrick: And that’s getting in the way. So it’s like, okay, we get it, we get it, we get it. We know that you don’t like that you don’t like you. Bottom line is you still don’t like you. One more time. I don’t like me.

Client: I don’t like me.

Patrick: That’s right. Just allow it to come up. Just allow it to come up.

You’ve got a good lock on your feelings. You don’t let much come in. And that’s totally okay, totally okay. One more time. I do not like me.

Client: I do not like me.

Patrick: And you have good reasons for it too. You don’t like you and you have good reasons for not liking you. Almost all of them are your fault.
Or excuse me, almost all of them are not your fault. You were conditioned into it.

Client: I don’t know.

Patrick: We’re getting there. These feelings of I don’t like me, they started really young. But what I’m feeling is you didn’t start to become conscious of it until you started getting feedback. Probably I would imagine middle school. Does that feel about right?

Client: Yes.

Patrick: So what that tells us right there is these feelings, they’re yours today, they are yours. The reasons that validate the feelings are not.

So in other words, as a child I do not believe you ran around hitting kids in the face or throwing gum in other kids’ hair. Right?

Client: Yes.

Patrick: Now if you had been that kind of kid, sure, especially if you continued those actions well into adulthood. All right, I get it. You don’t like you. I don’t like you either.

But you’re not. You’re not. What that immediately tells us, you were conditioned into these feelings. Does that make sense?

Client: Yes.

Patrick: That doesn’t make it any less intense. That doesn’t take it away. It’s just giving us a logical understanding. The feelings are yours, but the reasons are not. The validation that holds up the feelings, they’re not yours.

One more time please, I don’t like me.

Client: I do not like me.

Patrick: That’s right. That’s right. You’re doing good. You’re doing good. Just allow that to come up.

Because when we’re doing this, we’re not really working with the __-year-old. We’re working with probably the 6, 7-year-old, that younger version of you. She’s the one that doesn’t like herself. You just get the carryover. Does that make sense?

Client: Yes.

Patrick: Again please, I don’t like me.

Client: I don’t like me.

Patrick: That’s right. That’s right.

So, if these do belong to the little girl, these aren’t really the beliefs of __-year-old April. We don’t want to come down hard on this kid.

It’s kind of like coming down hard on your kid, and they’re like, what do you mean you don’t like you?

Your kids aren’t going to understand that. What we want to do for that little girl is we want to let her know she’s loved by you. And you’re right, certainly, you did not receive that as a child.

You’ve been conditioned to not like you because you felt, I’m guessing, like mommy and daddy didn’t like you.

And that went from mommy and daddy to, in middle school, when middle school is a time when we want, you know, we crave that peer acceptance, right?

We want to have compassion for little April. We want to have compassion for her. That’s all we’re doing here.

When you say, I don’t like me, and you’re accepting that a part of you feels, I really don’t like me, what we’re really doing is we’re showing acceptance and compassion to that part of you that the end behavior is, I don’t like me.

She’s doing it because she feels scared. She doesn’t feel loved.

You’re doing good. You’re doing really good. You’re doing really good. I know you do not normally allow yourself to go here. So you are doing fantastic. All right, we’re going to switch it up a little bit.

I would like you to say, I’m dirty. I’m dirty.

Client: I’m dirty.

Patrick: That’s right. This one sucks. I get it. I get it. I’m with you. This sucks. Again, please.

Client: I’m dirty.

Patrick: That’s right. And again, we are not talking to adult April. We’re talking to this beautiful little girl who had some pretty rotten stuff happen. Again, I’m dirty.

Client: I’m dirty.

Patrick: That’s right. Let it come up. Let it come up. Let it come up. Let it come up because we do not want you holding this inside you.

That beautiful little girl does not deserve to carry the weight of this energy. One more time. I’m dirty.

Client: I’m dirty.

Patrick: That’s right. That’s right. This is how she feels every single day. Does that fit?

Client: Yes

Patrick: Again, I’m dirty.

Client: I’m dirty.

Patrick: That’s right. Doing good. Doing good. Let it come up. Let it come up. And again please.

Client: I’m dirty.

Patrick: That’s right. That is correct. This is how you feel. Take away right or wrong. Take away good or bad. It’s how you feel. Are you with me on that?

Client: Yes.

Patrick: And we’re not telling this little girl, you’re wrong for feeling this way. You’re bad for feeling that way. We’re not doing any of that. We’re just saying we get it. You feel like you are dirty. Again, please. I’m dirty.

Client: I’m dirty.

Patrick: That’s right. How old are your children, April?

Client: My firstborn is ___ and my youngest is ___.

Patrick: Now that’s an age where they get dirty. Not the type of dirty that you’re talking about. That’s the age where they get dirty, right? Not the type of dirty that you’re talking about, but they do get dirty.

Client: Yeah. They like messes. That’s for sure.

Patrick: Babies get dirty. And it’s not the same type of dirty. It’s not the same type of dirty that you feel internally, but they do get dirty.

Client: Yes.

Patrick: And I’m pretty confident you have looked at those babies one time or another and said, You’re so dirty. Was that about right?

Client: Yeah.

Patrick: The underlying energy when you said those words to your own children was I love you no matter what. The underlying energy when you tell your children, You’re so dirty. I love you. I love you no matter what. That’s the underlying energy.

Client: So true.

Patrick: Let’s see if we can do the same, for little April. I’m dirty. Out loud.

Client: I’m dirty.

Patrick: And I still love you. And I still love you.

Client: And I still love you.

Patrick: Feel the feelings just like when you tell your own children. Say it again. I’m dirty.

Client: I’m dirty.

Patrick: At ___ I imagine your daughter’s still pooping her pants. How much more dirty can you get? How much more dirty is there? There’s no possible more dirty than pooping your own pants. Oh, excuse me, except when you throw up on me. What is that all about? God plays a wicked joke.

And as dirty as she is, as smelly as that full diaper is. Do you still love her with everything you have?

Client: That’s not even a question. Of course I do.

Patrick: And that’s what I’m inviting you to experience with little April. One more time. I’m dirty.

Client: I’m dirty.

Patrick: Starting to dissipate is what I’m feeling. Does that feel about right to you?

Client: Yeah.

Patrick: Not gone, just dissipating. The emotional intensity is dissipating.

It doesn’t change the facts of what happened in your history. It does change the emotional intensity behind it.

I’m dirty. And I love you. Doing good. Doing so good. One more time. I’m dirty.

Client: I’m dirty.

Patrick: Good, good, good, good, good. That one was fantastic. That one was fantastic. Now, I started to feel a hint of No, I’m not. Does that match what you’re feeling?

Client: Yes …

Patrick: Again, please. I started to feel a hint of No, I’m not. Does that match what you’re feeling?

Client: It’s kind of like, I don’t want to say those words to myself again.

Patrick: I don’t want you to say it either. The first thing that we want to do is make sure that she knows, she can think or feel anything that she wants, and she’s still going to feel loved.

Just like your daughter knows she can poop all over herself, reach down and play with it. Oh, my God, when kids do that. Okay, I have issues. I might need to work on myself, huh? Kid poops, reaches down, grabs it, and says, Ooh, look, playdoh. No!

Little April can still say to herself, I’m dirty, and you’re still going to love her no matter what. One more time, I’m dirty.

Client: I’m dirty.

Patrick: Good, good, good, good. Let’s go ahead and evaluate that again on a 0 to 10 level. We did not evaluate this particular one, but I’m guessing it would have been on a 0 to 10 scale. It would have been an 11 or a 12. Does that sound about right?

Client: Yeah.

Patrick: Say it out loud, and then let’s evaluate it. I’m dirty.

Client: I’m dirty.

Patrick: 0 to 10 with 10 being it fits perfectly.

Client: It doesn’t fit.

Patrick: Give it a number. I want you to know.

Client: A one.

Patrick: Pretty cool, huh?

Client: Yeah.

Patrick: Let’s go back to the first one. I don’t like me. I’m going to ask you to say that out loud, and then evaluate your now feelings, which were different than a half hour ago. I’m imagining. I don’t like me.

Client: I don’t like me.

Patrick: And again, 0 to 10, feel your feelings. What comes up?

Client: A two.

Patrick: Pretty cool, pretty cool. Go ahead and breathe. Give yourself permission to breathe. It’s safe to breathe.

I feel it’s almost like you’re holding your breath out of habit that when hard feelings come up, the first thing you do is you hold your breath or you start breathing very shallow. Is that about right?

Client: Yeah. I never thought of it that way or actually thought of it at all.

Patrick: What I’m feeling from you is that you feel safe to breathe, but you’re scared to breathe. So it’s safe to breathe. It’s safe to breathe. That’s it. Safe to breathe.

Client: (breathing deeply)

Patrick: How about that? Very cool.

Any questions? I feel this energy from you like, I don’t even know what to ask. What just happened?

Client: Pretty much. Like, am I supposed to know what questions to ask? I have no idea.

Patrick: I just like to give you permission to ask anything, if anything comes up. One of the questions I feel coming from you, Is this permanent? This is what we talked about in the beginning. I find that what we work on specifically is permanent.

Now, there may be other aspects of the same energy that are still there.

So there may be other aspects of I feel dirty, and those will come up, but the specific aspect of I’m dirty is gone.

I love this ending, because although people may not have complete relief from their entire past history in one-hour, it is possible to experience relief from your past, and often from your very first session.

But what I want to highlight here, are the feelings of Self-Love and Self-Worth. I think we all want to have more self-love and greater amounts of self-worth. But this is really difficult, or even impossible, when we’re carrying around old beliefs like we just experienced here.

Since childhood, she was led to believe that she really did not like herself. And to make matters worse, she was even carrying a belief of, “I feel dirty”.

These were the energy “blocks” that I spoke of earlier.

“I don’t like me” was blocking the feelings of self-love. Now that’s not to say that she had absolutely Zero amount of self-love in her life.

Rather, it’s like trying to water your plants with a kink in the garden hose. The water has a hard time coming out. And that’s how it was for her with trying water, or nurture, herself with self-love.

And you may be wondering why I asked her to repeat the phrase, “I’m dirty.” This is where feelings of perception come into play. I “perceived” these feelings, and then I put the feelings into words.

With a phrase like, “I’m dirty.” This can mean so many things, but to a person carrying around feelings of low self-worth we can see how this was holding the energy in place.

This was my first time speaking with this client. So she wasn’t yet ready to start telling me about her entire past, especially any really bad stuff that may have happened in the past.

This is totally normal, for all of us.

It often takes time to build trust enough to start opening up about things from our past that hold a lot of emotional intensity, and especially experiences where we feel a lot of shame surrounding those memories.

So all-in-all, I think that she did great. And she released a lot of emotional energy. I’m very proud of her for working through as much as she did in just her first session.

So now let me ask you.

Are you ready to begin releasing the blocks that have been preventing you from experiencing Self-Love?

Are you ready to move beyond your past hurts that have created any feelings of low self-worth in your life?

I believe that there are times when having another person help to guide you can really be a transformative experience. This is the reason that I encourage everyone to reach out for help when it comes to resolving issues that are difficult or seemingly impossible to work through on your own.

And if you’d like to work with me I’m here to help. I offer both one-on-one private sessions as well as group healing sessions.

You can reach out to me through my website Contact page and set up a time for us to work together.

Or sign up for my newsletter so you’ll know when new podcasts are released.

This has been Patrick Rodriguez reminding you to,
Release your past, so that you can experience the fulfillment of your life by living in the Present Moment.

Thanks for listening.